Wishing for answers

This has been a tough week for being a stepmother. Sunday morning, Blondie woke up with a terrible flare up of her excema. Her elbows were like leather, her face was swollen. She had patches on her neck and chest which I had not ever noticed before. The change from bedtime the night before was significant. Sweetheart and Brownie were going out to breakfast and to visit Grandma, and Blondie opted to stay home with me instead. As she sat with tears streaming down her face, scrunched up as close to me on the couch as physically possible (and this is the kid that isn't really the huggy-touchy type), I didn't know what to say. We bought new supplies of all the right lotions with extra "to go" sizes for her backpack. We have an appointment with her pediatrician tomorrow and with a dermatologist as soon as possible. She is much improved today, but I feel so helpless.

Fast forward to today. Brownie is tantrum-ish and touchy, and after much emotional outbursts, the root of the problem finally is uncovered. Evidently, the kids are teasing her because she has "a big butt." She certainly far more rounded than her sister (and most other not-quite-10-year-olds), but her butt isn't close to being big. She was weeping big, ugly tears, and my heart was breaking for her.

I say the things I think I should say. Kids tease because they want to take the focus off of themselves. Nothing they say has anything to do with what kind of person she is. We discuss the need to talk about these kinds of frustrations before they bubble over and get her into trouble. None of it seems enough.

I know how she feels. I was the kid who got glasses before anyone else in the class. I was the kid who was so skinny that my knees were the biggest part of my legs. I was the kid who the boy had to kiss in a game of truth or dare. I know what it feels like to be on the outside. I don't want them to feel that way. I know it is so much harder to be a kid today than it was 30 plus years ago.

I also know that no matter how hard it is to find the words to say, no matter how frustrating the behaviors these crappy feelings produce, no matter how often my husband and I disagree on the best way to handle things....I'm in it for the long haul. Having a stepmother isn't always the most favorite thing, but as long as I keep loving them and doing the best I can, we will all figure it out.

Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.