My poor puppy...

...and my poorer bank account.

Spencer went to the vet today to have his leg examined. He had to have surgery on his right leg a couple of years ago, and now it is his left ACL.

Since Spencer is a bit (meaning very) neurotic, he freaks out when we go to the vet. He whines, he cries, he paces in circles. He growls at the dog who comes up to him (off leash even though the signs says to keep your dog on a leash).

Then, we go into the small room where he tries unsuccessfully to climb into my lap in a very small chair. His vet comes out and has grown a beard since last we visited. He takes a quick look at Spencer and agrees with my at home diagnosis. Yes, he should still have surgery even though he is getting up in age. Yes, it is expensive ($1400). No, we don't have a budgeted billing option. All of these things are said with the voice of Joel Osteen the Giant Church pastor here in Houston.

All I can think is "Oh, holy fucking shit." We totally cannot afford this, but what do you do when you have a pet?

In order to take x-rays of my neurotic dog, sedatives were required. Domitor is evidently the drug of choice. I picked up my pooch an hour and a half later, and he was still drugged up. He wobbled to the car, and I had to lift him up into the back seat. He laid his head in the girls' laps (which is another sign of the apocalypse) and fell asleep. I carried him into the house and placed him gently on his bed. He was drooling and his mouth was hanging open. If I hadn't had the girls with me, I swear I would have sat down and cried. I knew he was going to be okay, but it was too much like he was really sick and weak.

He has since perked up, had a drink and a milk bone, and will soon be back to his fucked-up-can-I-go-out-can-I-come-in-can-I-come-in-can-I-go-out insanity. I guess we'll figure something out about the money.

I knew I didn't like those commercials

Yesterday, Brownie and Sweetheart were sitting on the couch and a drug commercial came on.

Brownie: I think I figured out what the "Viva _____" commercial is talking about.
Sweetheart: (slight groan) What do you think it means?
Brownie: Well, they put the "Do Not Disturb" sign up and they start kissing, so you know.
Sweetheart: Well, I guess we do know.

I still think the girls are between knowing and KNOWING, but it certainly makes for a diversion from watching a football game.

Well, things look about the same as when I left them....

...way too many days ago.

I never know what to say when it has been a while since I blogged, and this is the longest absence ever.

I guess it could be said that I wasn't doing very well for a while there. I was swimming up a very strong stream just to manage to get my ass to work and home again. I didn't really care much about anything that was going on around me except for how it was preventing me from sleeping. And not just any kind of sleep, but the kind of sleep where you pull the covers over your head and stay there. It is so strange this depression. To the best of my knowledge there were no external events or stressors that started me into the spiral. It seems that a hole so deep should have something to mark its beginning. I think it would have been much easier to identify that things were getting darker if an event had heralded that the sun was setting in my head.

I must say that I feel quite frustrated at times about this. I find myself thinking that it must be someone else's turn to play this game, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone else.


I have been on my new medication Deplin and an increased dose of Effexor for a month now, and I am doing so much better. I have much more energy (though afternoon naps and early bedtimes are still in effect). I have actually fixed dinner a few times lately. The new med is a super duper folate not even covered by insurance. It seems that I am one of some number of people who need the folate in order to allow the antidepressants to work. I was a bit skeptical about the concept that a vitamin would help, but it has. Sweetheart said yesterday that I was 110% better than I was a month ago. I still have a ways to go, but it's good to be on the way up.

Waiting for a locksmith

That title up there? It's never a good thing to be waiting for a locksmith. It means money and frustration, neither of which I have to spare.

However, here I am. I am one of those people who doesn't have a place that keys go every single time. I frequently scurry around looking for my keys at the last minute. So it was no surprise that this morning found me doing the same. I brilliantly figured out they were in the car, and then not quite as brilliantly found the car to be locked. I called my husband who was unable to come bring me the extra on his keyring. I called work to say I would be late. I called a locksmith for whom I am now patiently waiting. And somewhat kicking myself.

You see, I would not bet loads of money that the keys actually *are* in my purse. I mean, I think that's where they are as I retrace my last driving of the car, but what if they aren't? Then I will be paying a locksmith for the privelege of getting my purse out of the car in order to pay a cab to take me to work. And that would suck even more than paying a locksmith to get my keys.

Maybe I will start using those clever little hooks just inside the door.

Happy Anniversary

Sweetheart and I celebrated our second anniversary last week. Or rather, he watched television while I went to bed at 7:30. He was incredibly understanding about my malaise (impending sinus infection).

He has been ridiculously supportive of my less than stellar health off and on for our entire marriage. We are watching our money, and for my gift he did something really special. He took his wedding vows, typed them up, and superimposed them over a faint picture of my redhead to your right. He also included a copy of a photo from our first date and gerber daisies (my favorite). I read it and got all weepy. I really am so lucky to be married to such a wonderful husband, friend and Sweetheart.

Bad timing?

Or is it just me?

I have become increasingly aware of television commercials airing at times that seem like they shouldn't. During ball games the male enhancement products seem most popular. At other times like this morning, it's the vaccine for cervical cancer.

I am all for the vaccine, and men who need help should get it. However, I have two ten year olds who watch television with us. So far, we've only had one of them start singing to the tune of "Viva Las Vegas," but I'm afraid for what happens next.

They know the basics about sex and growing up, but impotence and cervical cancer haven't been discussed as yet. We haven't gotten to exactly what an erection is--much less why it shouldn't last more than four hours. I don't really want to start a conversation about sexually transmitted diseases because of something they hear on the television.

Many months ago (prior to the discussion about sex), there was a public service announcement about AIDS. Ears perked up and questions were asked. I was able to answer honestly without fatal STDs preceeding sex in our conversation.

I have been proactive with my discussions with the girls. I don't feel like any topics are off limits, including the ones I mentioned above. However, I do have difficulty with the concept of commercials driving that discussion.

Baby pictures!!

Here are the twins just as cute as they can be. The hatless one is the girl child (Deniece), and the one with the hat is the boy child (Denephew). All four were released from the hospital today. I cannot wait to go see them in 3 weeks!