Well, things look about the same as when I left them....

...way too many days ago.

I never know what to say when it has been a while since I blogged, and this is the longest absence ever.

I guess it could be said that I wasn't doing very well for a while there. I was swimming up a very strong stream just to manage to get my ass to work and home again. I didn't really care much about anything that was going on around me except for how it was preventing me from sleeping. And not just any kind of sleep, but the kind of sleep where you pull the covers over your head and stay there. It is so strange this depression. To the best of my knowledge there were no external events or stressors that started me into the spiral. It seems that a hole so deep should have something to mark its beginning. I think it would have been much easier to identify that things were getting darker if an event had heralded that the sun was setting in my head.

I must say that I feel quite frustrated at times about this. I find myself thinking that it must be someone else's turn to play this game, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone else.


I have been on my new medication Deplin and an increased dose of Effexor for a month now, and I am doing so much better. I have much more energy (though afternoon naps and early bedtimes are still in effect). I have actually fixed dinner a few times lately. The new med is a super duper folate not even covered by insurance. It seems that I am one of some number of people who need the folate in order to allow the antidepressants to work. I was a bit skeptical about the concept that a vitamin would help, but it has. Sweetheart said yesterday that I was 110% better than I was a month ago. I still have a ways to go, but it's good to be on the way up.