Random thoughts

Why Am I awake at 1:30 in the morning?

Why do so many people wish to make sure I get Ashes even though I am not religious?

Why doesn't girl scout cookie season last longer?

Why do I have too many cats?

What happens when you un friend someone on Facebook? Do they get a huge note saying I hate them?

Who will make it through to the next phase of American Idol?

What will happen at the next counseling session--I hate the work, but I know it is necessary.

To the guy at the drugstore--

Good for you on the protection, but yes, I did snicker to myself when I saw you buying two packs of Starbursts and a box of condoms.

This blogging thing is a bit weird

I was so diligent for a while, and then not so much. I was actually glad to see it had been just over a month since I blogged. FOr all I knew it could have been three months. I hope a few of you are still out there. If not, I fthink it's good for me to write anyway.

You see, I have hit something of a rock bottom lately, and I haven't been wanting to work, blog, brush my teeth or get out of bed lately. I have been working with a psychiatrist on medication for my anxiety/depression for 2 1/2 years now, and we just can't seem to find the right cocktail.

Lately I have reached a conclusion of some sorts. I am so homesick for Atlanta that I am having trouble functioning. I very willingly and happily left Atlanta to move to Houston to be with my Sweetheart. I left a job I adored, my Poppa. my brother and sister, nieces and nephews who are now doubled in number from the time that I left. I'm not saying this to be a hero--I WANTED to do this--so I did.

I came to a city that feels so conservative to me. I came to a city that I didn't know, and it didn't know me. I have still not made any real friends. I have nobody to have a drink and see a chick movie with. My job is a job not a home-away-from-home. I think on the way to work that having a fender bender would be better than having to show up. I came to a job of Stepmother that has been so much harder than I ever thought it would (and I swear, I knew it would be hard).

Sweetheart knows that I am feeling this way, and couldn't be more supportive. He wants me to be happy--no matter what that means. He is trying so hard to deal with a wife who doesn't want to get out of bed (and not in a good way). However, it is too much responsibility for him to be my only lifeline. He shouldn't be having to figure out how to sell the house to free up money for me to move (even temporarily) back to Atlanta.

I went to a counselor Saturday, and despite not wanting to like her, I did. She had the look of an aging hippie and took off her shoes during the session. She asked questions that seemed pertinent and reasonable to this therapy wise patient. She recognizes that this is the kind of spiral that is tough to pull out of and she laid off the platitudes. She wants to try EMDR--Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is different that the cognitive talk therapy I have done in the past, and I think that's a good thing. She thinks I have triggered a bunch of feelings from my childhood that have made everything worse. Since I started sobbing when she said that, I have to believe there is some truth there.

So, here I go. On a journey that is not going to be fun, but will result in a wiser, saner Sophie in the end. If you guys are still around, I'd love to know it. I'm going to read some blogs for the first time in ages--for all I know you could have been gone just as long as I have. I'm sure my sister has.

Well, so I suck as a blogger